Finnish is easy. All you do is tape record English & then play it backwards.

The language is like the Finns themselves-it has nothing to do with Russia or Sweden, despite their
proximity. Finnish, I think was invented by an ancient king who commanded the people of his domain to speak like him upon the penalty of death. The monarch's name I shall give as King Toivo, or Toivo the Stutter. It was Toivo's lingual philosophy that why use one letter when two or three will do.

Take the word cigarette lighter. It is savukkeensytytin which is why Finns carry matches.

When the Finns start a word they see how many foreigners they can weed out on the first syllable.
Take the Finnish word for "98". The first three letters are "yhd" That eliminates a lot of competition right there. For the full Finnish word for "98" I would advise that you fasten your seat belts & put on your crash helmet. Here it goes: "yhdeksänkymmentäkahdeksan" According to Berlitz that is pronounced simply "EWHdayksaenKEWMmayntaeKAHdayksan" Finns have died of old age trying to count to 100.

Part of the problem with the Finnish language is that the Finns don't mess around with any bitsy words at all. If they are going to use the word "the" or "a" or "by" they just stick it unto nearby word as an ending.

And don't think you are going to get away with not pronouncing every letter either. Nothing is wasted
in Finnish. Sometimes, when they use a couple or three vowels in a row, they'll put two little dots over
the tops of some of them just to break the monotony.

Those little dots mean something. In the word for "pencil sharpener" which is spelled "kynänteroitin" they
put two little dots over the "a" and that means it is pronounced like an "a" and an "e" slopped together.
It also means you are going to find a lot of dull pencils in Finland. It is the only language I know of where
the phonetic spelling is more complicated than the regular spelling. To say "pencil sharpener" for example you should start with a bottle of good Finnish beer.
 

Take a deep breath, roll back your eyes and say: KEWnae (run that "a" and "e" together now, remember?) nTAYR (stop here & have a sip of beer) roa (then comes a very, very small "I" ttyin (more beer please)."

Okay,all together now. KEWnaenTAYroaittiyn!

There now wasn't that easy? Where's the bottle opener.

During a recent visit to Finland I never saw a crossword puzzle. The papers weren't large enough to cover both horizontal & vertical, I guess.

The word for "No"is "aye" which means yes in English, & the word "terve"  means hello or goodbye depending on what direction you're going.. but it REALLY  means healthy. 

Now the word for 'yes' is simple. It is 'kyllä'. The trouble is nobody uses it. They all say 'joo' or 'yoa' or 'yo' which naturally is not Finnish at all but is Swedish. To say 'yes,yes' they say 'yo-yo'. I can't imagine what the Finnish word is for 'yo-yo' but it must be a dandy-dandy.

Finnish is related to Hungarian by a previous marriage. That's why the second language of Finland is, of course, Swedish. Everyone speaks English, however, so don't worry if you ever go there.

For an emergency, I tried to learn the Finnish expression for "Get me to the doctor, quick"

"Viekää minut lääkäriin nopeasti!"